The Gay Ghost Speaks

I am the gay ghost.  You can't see me, but you feel my presence.
I haunt your every waking hour.  There are times when you toss, turn and thrash about in sleep trying to escape me.  Daylight hours find you screaming at my living brethren in a futile attempt to put me to rest.  You have been schooled in intolerance regarding my existence.
These lessons have manifested into self-loathing masked as morality.  There will never be an escape from me as long as you are unable to accept yourself.  I have no pity.  I am the gay ghost.

Really?

What is it about my conservative brethren that will allow them to vote into office a man who promises to lower his own taxes, demolish social services, raise prices at Walmart and Target, destroy the environment, increase cancer risk among women, deprive old folks of medical care and repeal any gay rights achievements.... Why? Come on, is it the black guy? You do know voting for the white guy is not going to make you rich. You do know you are going to have to learn to live with the wages you now earn with less benefits and fewer police, firemen and teachers. You do know that old bridge you drive over every day may collapse due to lack of maintenance or low bid contracts. You do know we will become Greece, not because of increased government spending, but because the wealthy refuse to pay taxes. If this is your idea of America, or Amercia in Mittenese, then do your thing. Then pray for forgiveness after you see the true consequences of being a Fox fed, low information sheep in voters guise.

Hunting season?

Stalking their prey, armed with nothing but blanks, they manage to persuade the innocent and the naive and the clueless that they are not the prey, but the victims of the prey. This is the modern Republican/Tea party. No lie, no innuendo, no skewing of the facts is out of bounds. The lack of political curiosity among the electorate plays right into their hand. Isn't Bristol Palin's continued assault on the art of dancing much more important than her mother's blithering inanities?
Camo? They don't need it, because, as the what-does-she-do-for-a-living candidate for Senate in Delaware says to them "I am you". Apparently, this sort of statement is enough qualification for low-info voters. Ms. O'Donnell is no different, in all reality, than the lot running in places such as Nevada, Alaska and Kentucky. She just happens to speak in tongues.

Conservative=Irrational?

Sen. Bunning (R.-KY) has been holding up the jobless benefits package long enough to negatively impact thousands of our citizens. He rants about the costs violating "pay go", a bill which he voted against, but a handy whipping boy when it is needed. Just like the Republican's sudden devotion to Medicare, it doesn't pass the smell test. Whatever his reason or lack of, it brings to the forefront the Republican Way of Handling Issues. They manage to throw the baby out with the bathwater. Mr. Bunning made his point days ago. Now he has hurt people. People like him are what causes opponents of abortion to think killing a doctor is just hunky dory. It's ok to invade a country like Iraq and kill thousands of innocents and call it "collateral damage". They will complain about "unions" and workers who get $30 an hour, yet not say one word about an executive who gets the equivalent of $115,000 an hour in bonus pay! They cringe in fear when the very idea of government run health care insurance is dangled in front of them while clinging to the skirts of the private insurance companies who are busy trying to devise ways to relieve them of their money and their insurance to boot. They scoff at the idea the government can effectively manage anything yet defend CEO's whom that very government had to bail out due to the reckless and poor management of their privately run businesses.
I just don't get it.

Say ahhh....

Pharmaceutical spokesperson, Max Baucus of Montana, prescribed another bitter pill for his fellow Americans to swallow. Senator Baucus, along with his band of Fox Democrats and the ever anti-populist Republicans pronounced a public option dead twice today.
Although the public pulse beats at a steady 65% for the public option, the lack of health insurance company support enabled the senators to overlook that bit of diagnostic data and justify euthanasia of the public option patient.
I will go out on a limb with my own prognosis for the political futures of these business servants, and that is a weak pulse and their own constituents will perform their own mercy killings come election time.
How long will we let a heartless ideology and spineless jellyfish deny us the same rights and priviliges as the rest of the civilized world in the name of "free enterprise"? How much is enough?

This and that....

Time can get away from you if you are not careful. I haven't posted for a while and I will try to be more diligent with my blogging in the future.
That said, let's begin with the beautiful Carrie Prejean, Miss California 2009. I want to set aside the controversy with Perez Hilton and address her contention during a press conference that she was a "strong woman". Carrie, Carrie, Carrie. Please. You participate in beauty pageants, for Christ's sake, and you had just let a world renowned womanizer, the Donald, give you permission to keep your crown as Miss California. You also let him fend off any "unfair" questions for you during the event. In reality, you dilute the meaning of "strong woman". Think about it.
Meanwhile, back in the real world, we have witnessed the emerging of Darth Cheney, heavy breathing and all, from some unknown location. Obviously he saw his shadow and liked it. Can someone give me an example of another unpopular public figure given so much air time to spout coldblooded analysis of why it is okay to torture and kill other human beings? Dick, take your blood money and STFU. What's next? Weekly wisdom from Charles Manson on Meet the Press?
One wonders why the President doesn't give the green light to go after Cheney and Co.. In the back of my mind is the niggling thought that the illegal wiretapping may have caught up more than terrorists. Obama's abandonment of the justice system in order to "move forward" just doesn't smell right. In fact, it smacks of "cover up". Isn't part of the President's job to enforce the laws of the land and isn't torture illegal? Just wondering there, Barack, old buddie. Also starting to reek is the president's avoidance of the "don't ask, don't tell" question. His surrogates are dancing around the issue and, in some instances, actually backing away from it. Are the Democrats going to use DADT like the Republicans use DOMA? As bait? Talk a lot, gin up emotions (and votes) and then put it on the back burner until the next campaign.
Time will tell.

The picture to the left is Jaheem Herrera. He killed himself to escape the bullying of his classmates. He was 11. Jaheem's suicide comes two weeks after the suicide of Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover, an 11-year-old Massachusetts boy who also suffered taunts that he was gay, feminine and "talked funny.".
I have a few words for those who like to bully their classmates into such a state of despair that the victim feels his/her only way out is suicide. The relentless teasing and physical abuse needs to stop. Fifty years ago, I was a victim of such bullies, fueled by rumors, who made hateful remarks, pushed, shoved and hit me and would not even let me stand on line for my junior high graduation ceremony. That's five decades past; this is the 21st century and this barbarism is still happening? If any of those who participate in or acquiesce to such terrorism on a classmate have any conscience, then you owe it to future generations to ensure such mind fucking does not happen to any children in your sphere of influence. Otherwise, you will answer to a higher authority who, right now, is holding tightly onto those two little boys.
I guess I was fortunate when the jackals chose to come after me, because if I had been eleven like Jaheem and Carl, I might not be here today to write these words. Being older (15) at the time, I was lucky to have a small reservoir of esteem which carried me through that following summer. Two new classmates, Shelia Baustian and Wade Walker helped save my life and they never knew it, until now. God bless them both. The trauma has affected my life in ways I still discover fifty years out. Can we stop this? Now?

A champion departs....

My current favorite thoroughbred, Tin Cup Chalice, was euthanized today after another horse bolted and collided with him. The other horse, Zany, was put down as well. Both jockeys were uninjured.

Tin Cup Chalice, who was named champion New York bred three year old on Monday and 2008 Horse of the Year at Finger Lakes was on the upstate New York track preparing for his 4 year old debut. In 2008, he was 6 0f 8 starts and over $825,000 after being undefeated at 2. He was the first horse to win the New York Triple Crown. Tin Cup Chalice is a half-brother to the current promising 3 year old, Mr. Fantasy. Both horses were named after songs by Jimmy Buffett.

Personally, I am just numb. I had been anticipating his imminent return to racing and now all we have are memories of a truly gutsy champion who died where he reigned, on the track.

"With a tin cup for a chalice, fill it up with good red wine".

Here's a toast to the horse who provided so much excitement and pleasure to so many. He was quite popular with horsemen of all stripes. R.I.P.

Leading ladies...

California's Ellen Tauscher (D), representing California's 10th district, merits my first Steady Hand award for her continued support of GLBT civil rights culminating in her introduction of the Military Readiness Enhancement Act (H.R. 1283) calling for the end to "Don't ask, don't tell". Rep. Tauscher has garnered a 100% rating from the Human Rights Campaign for her unwavering committment to civil liberties.
Ellen Tauscher was born in New Jersey and attended Seton Hall University. She began her career on Wall Street and at the age of 25 became the youngest female member of the American Stock Exchange at that time.
She moved to California and became pro-active in child care issues and in the Democratic party. She chaired Dianne Feinstein's successful 1994 Senate campaign. In 1996 she won her first election to the House of Representatives besting two-term Republican Bill Baker.
In Congress, she chairs the Subcommittee on Strategic Forces and sits on several other committees under the Committee on Armed Services umbrella. She also sits on the Committee on Transportation and Infrastructure.
Rep. Tauscher's brand of moderate ideological politics is distinctive enough that TIME magazine named it "Tauscherism".
In early March this year Secretary of State, Hillary Rodham Clinton, offered Ms. Tauscher the position of Undersecretary of State for Arms Control and International Security and on March 18, she announced her acceptance of that position. She clearly is a woman who stands on firm ground and she will be a valuable asset to our foreign policy team.
To learn more about this leading lady, go here.

Deja vu all over again?

When I read about JPMorgan Chase's plan to buy two Gulfstream 650 planes and upgrade a luxury hangar for them to park in for about $138 million, I couldn't help but think about Ronald Reagan. Much to the delight of his fellow Republicans, he liked to talk about the "welfare queens" some of who allegedly used food stamps and then went outside the store and drove home in new Cadillacs. Now I need someone to explain to me the difference between those mythic ladies and these corporate cheeses who accept billions ($25 billion in this case) of dollars from taxpayers and then fly home in executive jets? Ever since Secy. Paulson opened up the All You Can Spend Buffet at the Treasury Department, these corporations have not only eaten their fill, they are now feasting on rich desserts. When will corporate diabetes kick in? It is obvious these people have no shame thus any sympathy I might have for my fellow travelers down life's path, will not be wasted on those whose genetic makeups don't even understand the words "fair", "share", "empathy", or "equality". Go to hell, you greedy bastards you.

BFF or wham bam thank you man?

As one whose life has seen a lot of closures recently, I have been pondering a lot of issues, including the nature of friendships. I found the following article which helped point my thoughts in a positive direction - toward that steady ground I seek.
This article by Valerie Reiss of Holistic Living includes a phrase so illuminating to me; "There's something about betrayal or abandonment in friendship that often feels harsher than that of a lover." That tells me I am not alone and also teaches me that all friends, no matter how fleeting, have influence and impact upon my life. It is then up to me to choose whether any insight gained be positive or negative.

Crashing back to earth...

It always happens when you elevate something or someone to a height almost impossible to achieve. I saw that with some of Hillary Clinton's supporters and I did it myself with the promising 3 year old colt, Mr. Fantasy. Readers of this blog know I touted him as the next big thing in horse racing. I was completely blown away by his first two starts as I watched him blow away his competition. What I ignored this past Saturday was not only the level of that competition, but the level and fitness of the horses he faced in the Grade III $250,000 Gotham Stakes, run at Aqueduct yesterday.
The race speaks for itself. What you can't see is that Mr. Fantasy was a late May foal and is not even 3 years old. While disappointing, he did not disgrace himself in his first start in a major graded stakes beating 3 of the 4 stakes winners entered in the race. If his jockey hadn't eased up on him, he would have finished second. The winner, I Want Revenge, had just come off two close losses in Grade 1 stakes to the Kentucky Derby favorite, Pioneer of the Nile, and lived up to his quality running a freak-type race himself winning off by over 8 in a fast time. Revenge and Fantasy will meet again in the Wood Memorial and I expect a much more competitive race this time as clearly Mr. Fantasy needed the Gotham to move him forward. I just have to deal with the fact that he is only human, er, I mean, equine.

God is a misogynist...

At least according to Colorado state senator Scott Renfroe, a Republican, who railed against a bill granting same-sex benefits to state employees. This is from the Colorado Independent - "The bill, which also came under fire from Focus on the Family in an advertising campaign last week, roused Renfroe to pull out a Bible and thump it during debate Monday. After first establishing that God created Eve to be Adam’s “helper,” Renfroe explained why he opposed extending health care benefits to gay and lesbian partners of state employees."
Further skewing the Lord's will, Sen. Renfroe went on to compare homosexuals to murderers "I’m not saying (homosexuality) is the only sin that is out there. Obviously we have sin — we have murder, we have, we have all sorts of sin, we have adultery, and we don’t make laws making those legal, and we would never think to make murder legal. But what I’m saying that for is that all sin is equal".
After Prop 8 and the backing away from recalling "don't ask; don't tell" this kind of BS has got to stop before gays end up in detention camps. This is the 21st century and men and women of good conscience have got to step up and do something to put an end to this hatred of fellow Americans who pay taxes, serve silently in the military, prop up the economy and provide many services including hairdressers, interior decorators and even construction workers. Senator Renfro needs to be covered in an avalanche of outraged email and phone calls. Let's stop procrastinating and do something about this now. For God's sake.

SCOTT RENFROE
Colorado State Senator, District 13
Office Location: 200 E. Colfax
Denver, CO 80203
Capitol Phone: 303-866-4451
E-mail: scott.renfroe.senate@state.co.us

Absolutely fabulous....

Four score and eight years ago, my grandparents introduced the world to a beautiful baby girl they named Elsie Louise. As one can see, she is still beautiful, not to mention smart, charming, hardworking, curious, optimistic and a wonderful mother. Mom has been raising kids with love for over seven decades without complaining or ever quitting. She is giving and forgiving almost to a fault; she is caring and has the ability to see the brightness at the end of even the longest darkest tunnels. My momma is the eighth wonder of the world to me. She possesses uncommon common sense and has an innate ability to see the diamond in the coal. I can remember driving past a house with her where the front yard was strewn with toys and empty soda and beer cans along with an old car being rebuilt. I said "What a mess!", to which she replied "I don't know; they look like they are having a lot of fun to me". She keeps me grounded and I love her as much as love exists in the universe.
Abe Lincoln would be honored to share his birthday with a woman of her stature.
Happy birthday Mom. I look forward to sharing many more and attending Kayla's graduation with you by my side. A dear friend said your were fabulous; she was absolutely right. Big kisses; big hugs. Don't eat all the truffles.

Hoof hearted...

Late last month, the thoroughbred world held their annual Eclipse awards ceremony honoring race horses in different categories. Curlin became the first consecutive winner of Horse of the Year since Cigar,

easily beating out the Kentucky Derby winning three year old champion colt Big Brown and undefeated champion race mare, Zenyatta. Curlin and Big Brown are off to the breeding shed while Zenyatta will race again this year.
Missing an award was a wonderful mare named Pepper's Pride,pictured above, who ended her career after reeling off 19 consecutive victories to retire undefeated. The 19 in a row easily eclipsed Cigar's 16 win run as a modern day record. Pepper will go visit two time Breeder's Cup Classic winner, Tiznow. Things could get spicy.....
My favorite horse from the past year was a New York bred son of Crusader Sword named Tin Cup Chalice. Tinny won 6 of 8 races, including the Grade 2 Indiana Derby over Pyro, with a second and a understandable out of the money finish in the Japan Dirt Cup run backwards and a half a world away. He is a gelding so the mares are safe and we get to watch him run again this year and hopefully several more as well. Making news last Sunday was the colt, Mr. Fantasy, who freaked a field of his peers by nearly 9. Mr. Fantasy is a half-brother to Tin Cup Chalice, both out of the Spectacular Bid mare,Twice Forbidden, dam also of stakes winner, Don Corleone. Mr. Fantasy is undefeated after two monster efforts winning off by over 10 in his first start and is generating a lot of buzz.

Look what I found on the net!!

 

This is my high school yearbook picture. It was taken in 1962 at Johnson High School in Japan. I found it strictly by accident along with a web site featuring the school and all of it's yearbooks. This picture was taken by a boyfriend who did the yearbook pictures that year. I remember we had just had an argument right before this picture was taken. I never got to see it because my father was transferred back to the States and I actually graduated high school in Utah two months later. What is so cool to me about finding old pictures of myself is that I never look like I thought I looked like at the time. That's me.

Bye, bye, Miss American Pie

This is a brief farewell to the fair lady who departed the White House with Baby Huey, aka GW. Laura Bush's calm, smiling, gracious demeanor was the only steady ground throughout her calamitous husband's calculated ruination of our country. Sure, she had some views only the isolated rich espouse, but nothing like her haughty, arrogant mother-in-law. She is smart, she always looks good and she speaks well. We would surely been better off if she had been the POTUS and I have the feeling that things, believe it or not, could have even been worse without her presence as First Lady.
Laura Bush, I salute you and I will miss you. I can get you the name of a great divorce lawyer when you are ready. God bless.

Lots of balls...

Amidst the ebb and flow of today's Inaugural events, those of us with senses not so dulled by our own egos could not help but appreciate the sheer joy and happiness this historic change of power wrought upon millions of people, exemplified by a sea of smiles and good cheer. Nothing, not the gaydar inducing Rick Warren, a clumsy ministering of the oath of office by Chief Justice Roberts, or a surprisingly low key speech by the new Commander in Chief could, or should, dim the enthusiasm and pleasure of that throng. Whatever one feels about Barack Obama, we are all still Americans and he is going to be President of every one of us. We can nurse our primary wounds, or we can heal them and keep ourselves centered and focused.
Nothing is going to serve this country worse than wallowing in bitterness.
As progressives, we must make our voices sing out with clarity and loud enough to move the President Obama along a path whose goals match our goals. We do indeed have to work for change, not against ourselves as some did when they switched allegiances during the electoral season.
A sizeable portion of the joy being generated today was the departure of GW Bush. Personally, most of it, for me. That and a great sense of relief. I could see myself even forcing a smile if John McCain and Sarah Palin were up on that podium today. At the very least, they are not Bush/Cheney, the two twin towers of Constitutional disaster.
Limited in loft and spirit as his speech was, Obama did manage to interject a cutting critique of the Bush pResidency as crisp and as sharp as the air surrounding him. That made me smile.
The balls? Oh, hell yeah. The Inaugural Balls, of course. What other kind would you expect in Washington, D.C.?

Really?

I am experiencing withdrawal from last year's reality show. No, not Survivor or The Apprentice or that lot. However looking back at the primary season and the election and all the drama and the intrigue and the backstabbing and the susequent hysteria resultant I find it hard not to think of it as one big fascinating televison show. I do know the difference because Survivor and Big Brother were not as well scripted as the Obama Candidacy or the Convention of Democrats which was subtitled Why Democrat doesn't necessarily mean Democracy. Who didn't enjoy the Sarah Palin Comedy Tour?
Ummm, well maybe John McCain, although he did inspire that grand drinking game of taking a shot everytime he said "my friends' in a speech or a debate. Didn't we all cry when Hillary got booted off the island or was that another show? Well, it certainly was scripted that way. I get so confused. I know on Big Brother, some of them get together and make up shit in order to turn the others on the only genuine person in the house. Could Evil Dick and his daughter, Danielle, have been any better than Keith Olbermann and Chris Matthews at convincing millions that Bill Clinton was, incredibly, a racist? Bravo gentlemen. You get to stay in the house or on the island or to go work for The Donald.
Yes, it was fun and it was tragic and I cried and I got pissed off. A lot. Which is probably why I can't wait for the next season of The Amazing Race. Both versions.

Balls..

Balls. Something lacking in most post-Clinton Democrats. Today, my favorite crazy, Blago, dangled his balls before the world and they were monsters. He dared to use his legal authority as an unindicted governor of Illinois. Senator Harry Reid, whose sac has been dried up and shriveled for years now, tsked, tsked and said no, no, no. Following closely behind, President-elect Obama, kept his boys sheltered and used Sen. Reid's raisins, thereby demonstrating an astonishing lack of leadership yet again. Doesn't Barack have a pair of his own?
Come on guys. You didn't threaten Ted Stevens or Larry Craig's seats, did you? You are letting Joe Lieberman retain his coveted chairmanship after his treasonous behavior. George Bush and Dick Cheney are walking away scot free after ruining the country and destroying the Constitution and Obama and Reid are not making even a weak peep.
Roland Burris is hardly a convicted criminal, is he? And neither is Rod Blagojevich.
He must be taught a lesson by those who cannot measure up due to their lack of testicular fortitude. Balls.

Refrigerator soup...

Needing a copy of my Social Security card for the new outfit which took over my previous employer, I innocently walked into the local office expecting maybe a half hour or so wait. Hah! That office was a distillate of what is wrong with our country. There were 50 people crammed into a small area seated on plastic chairs which were all connected and had no room between them. There was only one service window open, but we were well protected by two security guards (One has to appreciate how fast the 300 pound young man jumped up to tell a woman to quit smoking in front of the building). Few people had any preparation and asked the same questions repeatedly. Repeatedly. A young Hispanic couple was there with their soon-to-be anchor baby seeking to get a Social Security number for the baby. They spoke no English. The clerk spoke no Spanish. They played a game of Charades until another Hispanic gentleman came in and graciously interpreted for both parties. They were number 227. I was number 228. They took 30 minutes by themselves. Seated next to me was an unfortunate woman who had apparently had a stroke and she was deaf as well. Her hair was matted and filthy and she kept inspecting me and even sniffed me at one point. She was no more than six inches away. That might have unnerved me but the man across the room who came in to get a card so that he could get a photo ID from DMV was pontificating loud and strangely clear in one of those voices nurtured by nights spent in a whisky bottle and smoking tens of thousands of cigarettes. He was number 225. He couldn't get an ID from DMV without a Social Security card or a birth certificate. Social Security wouldn't issue a card without either a DMV photo ID or a birth certificate. He seemed to think he could argue his way into getting his card. He was fucked. And in his loud boisterous way, he let everyone in the joint know it wasn't the first time in his life either, sharing with us all some of his life experiences including time spent in prison for attempted murder. He started the unraveling of my nerves.
Seated on the opposite side of the grayheaded lady from me was number 226. I had not really looked at him as my focus was on the front of the office. He made a joke about "You wonder how some of these people tie their shoes in the morning" and I cracked back "I wonder how some of them even recognize "morning". He laughed and I looked at him and he was Karl Rove. Okay, not the real one (I think), but he was a dead ringer. That unnerved me. He was there to apply for Social Security and to find out if he could keep on working. He didn't want to do it online because he didn't trust the Internet. !.
So there it was. The good, the bad and the ugly. America. All crammed into a little office in Fredericksburg, VA.